bending in the direction of her sentences

Book summary

Bending in the Direction of Her Sentences explores the profound loneliness that can exist within a relationship. Through emotionally raw and self-reflective poems, the book delves into the unraveling of a love affair, with moments of unexpected reflection woven throughout, creating a powerful and poignant experience.

Excerpt from bending in the direction of her sentences

on topic

i’m bending in the direction

of her sentences

from her margins

i’m her scribble

not her occupation

not her central character

not her preoccupation

i won’t

fall in love again

not with another poet

on topic

yes when the time comes

i want you to feel my loss

like a heavy

unshakable

tortuous thing

yes i want you to hurt

more deeply

than you’ve hurt before

yes i want your

thoughts to drift

to memories of me

no matter what you’re doing

or who you’re with

yes i want

your life

to feel meaningless

yes i want your search

for new meaning

to be long

and arduous

yes i want an article

of my clothing

a photo

any object that reminds

you of me

to bring you to tears

yes i want you

to hug my sweater

like i’m still in it

yes i want you subjected

to cliches

to fall to pieces

to fall apart

to have the rug pulled out

from under your feet

to float adrift

in a sea of sorrow

and to be

spectacularly pitiable

so as to inspire

yet imagined cliches

yes i want you to pull your car

off the road

and stare ahead

like you’ve lost

your direction

yes i want you to avoid

places we frequented

or even briefly visited

because memories

of our happiness

are unbearable memories

yes i want you to

reach for me in bed

and feel your loneliness

redouble in the dark

yes i want your food

to lose its taste

yes i want you to lose your taste

for everything but

the imagined sustenance

of my being

yes i want you

on life’s sidelines

yes i want you

to forget the sound

of yourself laughing

yes i want the bones

in your face to feel like

they’re made of lead

when you try to smile

yes i want you to envy and hate

other couples

yes i want their happiness

to feel like an affront

yes i want all that for you

otherwise

what are we playing at

certainly not love

on topic

when you call my name

i answer

when you stumble

i’m your railing

when you’re lost

i’m your map

when you’re cold

i’m your blanket

when you’re vulnerable

i’m your shield

when you’re searching

for the right words

i’m your dictionary

when you can’t find your voice

i’m your microphone

when your mood is dark

i’m your candle

when you smile

i’m your mirror

when you’re frustrated

i’m your cheerleader

when you’re broken

i’m your toolkit

when you’re lonely

i’m your friend

when you confide in me

i’m your vault

when you need space

i’m your vanishing act

when you drift

i’m your motor

when you sing

i’m your choir

when’s you’re tired

i’m your pillow

when you catastrophize

i’m your perspective

when you’re bored

i’m your diversion

when you need an escape

i’m your exit

when you’re fed up

i’m your patience

when you’re overburdened

i’m your extra set of hands

when you’re peaceful

i’m your rustling leaves overhead

your waves lapping the shore

when you’re curious

i’m your detective

when you’re facing a steep climb

i’m your chairlift

when you’re deserving of more attention

i’m your noisemaker

when you reach for my hand

my hand is within reach

when you pine for what is gone

i’m your historian

when you grieve

i’m whatever you need

however long

on topic

we’re fortunate

we’re each missing

different pieces

we have just enough

to form a whole

on topic

let’s make sure

when we’re dead

no one will dare say

we were responsible

organized

disciplined

that we left any

unemptied untoppled

bottles of wine

on any table

carpet

lawn

blanket

that we rose early

minded our manners

saved our money

that we didn’t sleep

in our clothes

that we didn’t laugh too loud

yell too loud

that we didn’t throw punches

and get knocked to the ground

that in restaurants and bars

we weren’t escorted out

pushed through doors

thrown on sidewalks

that we fucked in private

at night in bed

that we didn’t give in to lust

at any moment

anywhere

that we tolerated boredom

and boring people

listened to the end

of boring stories

sat through boring plays

reached the last page of boring books

waited in any line

in any waiting room

without making a spectacle

of our boredom

that we cleaned up

our messes

that others weren’t left

to clean them up

that we traveled

on well-defined paths

and didn’t get lost

that we followed directions

didn’t drive through fields

onto lawns

walk through flowerbeds

leave muddy footprints

on floors and carpets

stumble into expensive objects

that fell and shattered

that we left words unspoken

praise ungiven

criticism ungiven

love unexpressed