Burgers on the Sabbath

A Darkly Comic Descent into Madness and Mayhem

In BURGERS ON THE SABBATH, author Andy Rausch delivers a twisted ride through 13 tales that blur the line between horror, satire, and the absurd. From a fast food joint besieged by zealots to a chicken car plowing through parades, each story crackles with dark humor and surreal dread.

Inside, you’ll find a man who refuses to die on death row, another who emails his deceased brother—and gets a reply—and a desperate thief trapped in a vault with nowhere to run. These stories lurch between the horrifying and hilarious, where violence is surreal, and the rules of life and death no longer apply. Anchored by a novella adaptation of the cult horror film Carnival of Souls, this collection is a sharp, subversive feast of the strange.

Ready to taste fiction that bites back?

Get your copy of BURGERS ON THE SABBATH today.

Excerpt from the book

It seemed like a perfectly normal day at Burger Town until people started getting killed. None of the seven employees working had even the slightest idea something was askew until it was too late.

Mark, the skinny-as-a-toothpick mustachioed 46-year-old manager with slicked-back black hair, was in full emperor mode, bossing everyone around. But no one paid him any mind, because they thought he was a joke. Whenever Mark would ask Terrence, the pimple-faced teen cook with the mullet, to do anything, Terrence would raise his arm in mock Nazi salute and say, “Heil Asshole!” This had been happening for weeks now, and Mark had been too afraid to do anything about it. Mark was all bark and no bite. He was about as tough as a freshly-trimmed pink poodle, despite his overwhelming desire to be a rottweiler. The workers knew they could say or do anything to Mark, and he wouldn't do anything except cry in his Subaru out in the parking lot once the shift had ended.

Carli and Tyresha were working frontline today. Carli, the 20-year-old bitchy blonde princess, was nursing a hangover and was complaining nonstop about having to work on Sunday. This was nothing new. As every worker at Burger Town knew, bitching and whining was Carli's modus operandi. Tyresha, the 22-year-old tough, dark-skinned black girl was putting up with Carli's bullshit, per usual, but today was different. Today, more than ever before, Tyresha wanted to knock the blonde bitch into the next week.

Then there was Alonzo, the way-too-old-to-be-working-at-Burger Town creepy fry cook. He was doing what he did every other day, which was acting creepy and leering at female coworkers. Alonzo routinely made inappropriate comments, and had been reprimanded twice for texting dick pics to coworkers. This behavior was a clear violation of the Burger Town code of conduct, but Mark felt a camaraderie with Alonzo and had saved his job both times.

Coy, the pudgy, dimwitted, seemingly-mute twenty-something cook was also working backline. Finding humor in Coy's silence, Terrence mocked and poked fun at the poor bastard every chance he got. Although Coy never responded to the chiding, Mark fully expected him to erupt in a rage one day and beat the living shit out of Terrence. Since Mark hated Terrence as much as he'd ever hated anyone, and that included his fifth wife, Charlene, he hoped and prayed each day that today would be the day.

However, this was not to be. Coy would never lose his shit and pummel Terrence because he wound up getting shot in the face while taking the trash out to the dumpster. It was a few minutes after one, and the lunch crowd had started to thin out. So, there were only a handful of customers inside the restaurant when Coy got shot. The sound of the gunshot was as loud as an M-80 exploding in a coffee can, and it sounded a little too close for comfort. Every person in Burger Town stopped what they were doing and looked around curiously, trying to determine what the sound was.