Hubert In Heaven

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Book excerpt

The newest group of “Soon-to-be’s” sat on their cloud pillows and listened attentively while the Grand Transition Master lectured them sternly on the rules of conduct in heaven.

           “Living in a dominion of endless time and space is not as carefree as you might imagine,” he said.  “Oh, yes, you can dance on the clouds and ride on moonbeams with no one to tell you that you can’t do it.  But being an angel is a responsibility not to be taken lightly.  There are many tasks you must perform before you can earn your wings.

           “For example, meticulous attention must be paid to cosmic traffic control, especially during tourist season.”  The Master pointed to the viewing screen which displayed one of Heaven’s busiest intersections.  “All it takes is one inconsiderate astral traveler to veer out of orbit and it could be light years before the path is clear again.  You must not be timid about issuing citations for infractions of Universal Law, even to your friends.”

           Suddenly, a four-star collision caused the viewing screen to go completely black.  Startled, the Grand Transition Master threw up his arms and his pointing wand went flying through the air.  The “Soon-to-be’s” giggled helplessly.

           “Ahem!” The Master cleared his through to restore decorum.  But just as he was about to continue, a strange little fellow came tumbling in.  His glasses were askew on his face and he was wearing an astrobright orange jumpsuit.  Certainly, he was out of place in this gathering of angel recruits all wearing white smocks.

           “Here, now,” the Master scolded.  “You’ve gone and disrupted my lecture.”

           “Sorry about that, Sir,” the little fellow said.  I guess the game player got a little carried away.  He was supposed to shoot me to the moon but he booted me to...where is this, exactly?”

                      The Master scanned the Great Record Book for the little fellow’s name, but couldn’t find it.”

           “This is Heaven, young man.  But according to my records, you are not meant to be here.  You’re not a Soon-to-be, and yet you’re not a human either.”

            “You’re right about that.  My name is Hubert.  I’m a hologram in a video game.  Or I was, anyway.  How can I get back to my rightful place?”

           “This is your rightful place, for the time being,” the Master said.

           “Oh, that can’t be,” Hubert said.  He rapidly punched some buttons on the little black box he was carrying.  “According to my computer, I have no purpose here.  I don’t fit in.”

           “No need to worry,” the Master assured him.  “We have plenty of purpose in Heaven.  Before your training is finished you will find out exactly where you fit in.”

           Time is never wasted in Heaven, and Hubert was put to work immediately.  For his first assignment, Hubert and the Soon-to-be’s were placed on Rainbow Detail.  The Grand Transition Master gave each of them a Rainbow Kit, then pointed to the thousands of faded rainbows that arched endlessly across the skies.

           “You task, little ones, is to refresh all the stripes in al those rainbows,” the Master explained.

           “How do we do that?” Hubert asked, thinking of the hours and days of work it would take to accomplish this by hand.