Sacrifice (The New Age Series Book 5)

Book summary

When the professor's attempts to create a new bionic arm fail, he spirals into madness, consumed by pain and despair. Only Hokura can help him, but she has her own secrets threatening to surface. In a battle against inner demons, who will remain steadfast?

Excerpt from Sacrifice (The New Age Series Book 5)

IT HAD BEEN TWO months since arriving back at the compound after being kidnapped by Tobias and his men. Hokura made her way down to the science facility. She found that she was holding her breath in anticipation. Silently hoping that today there would be some good news as she walked along. Her heart ached. The trials hadn't gone well. She didn't know if he could take another failure. She knew she needed to be there for him if the clone had been unsuccessful. He needed her support now more than ever.

"Dorian…" Hokura's voice was low as she knocked on the door to his private lab. "It’s been two days since you’ve left your lab or that I’ve seen you…” She decided to open the door and enter the lab. She didn’t even know if he was in there since there had been no response from the other side. Maybe he had finally retired to his suite to rest, she had hoped that was the case, but upon entering the lab, she learned that it hadn’t been. She took in the chaos and disarray, which was very uncharacteristic for the professor. An array of files, papers, files, and pens were scattered over the floor. His office chair was knocked over. He stood hunched over at the back of the lab, looking over the large glass casing which held the clone of his arm.

“Another failure.” His voice was husky and tired. “The second one, and it won’t sync…”

She walked up to him and gently placed her hand on his right shoulder. “Dorian, you’ve been at it for weeks. You need to rest. Maybe getting out of the lab and regrouping is what your brain needs. It can’t be good to be held up in here like this,” she urged.

He turned to her. His eyes were listless as his expression was one of pain and defeat. “I can’t give up on this.” He brought up his left hand out of habit to gently touch her cheek. The cold metal bionic hand rested gently against it as she sighed sadly. “Dammit!” Dorian yelled, turning away from her. “This cold, bloodless arm! I can’t even feel your flesh underneath it when I touch you! What good is it anyway!”

She quickly grabbed his other hand and brought it up to her. “You have another hand,” she urged, bringing it to her cheek as she kissed the palm of it. “It’s still attached to you, and it can still feel everything. The bionic one is only temporary. You said as much when you and the technicians here created it!” She took him in. He had been falling apart for the past two months at the loss of his arm, and even further so when the first cloned prototype failed him. “You’re a genius, the father of science; you’ll get this!”

Dorian turned away from her sorrowfully. He felt like a failure. This should have been an easy code to crack for a man of his stature. Suddenly it felt like he was less of man, less of himself, less of the once-proud professor that now hid in the confines of his labs and suite. The man who walked around with his one hand always in his pocket as he tried to juggle whatever he could with his good one. After the first few days of having the bionic arm attached, he had noticed the stares. He stopped taking meals from the cafeteria, stopped checking in for most of the RTC training. Had delved every spare moment into having a flesh and blood arm reattached where the cold, bloodless one now connected to him.

“Dorian,” Hokura continued, “please just spend some time with me. We don’t have to do anything special. We can even just sit on the rooftop, but…”

He looked at her. She had suffered recently too, being kidnapped, and tested on, facing cannibals to save him and her daughter. He could tell she hadn’t been sleeping well at night again. She had mentioned it a few times, again as always, he offered her a solution, which she shied away from. The past two months, they had been one another’s silent comfort. After the last failure, he had shut her out, she understood, but obviously, she wasn’t going to stay away for long. “How’s Cassandra been?” He changed the subject, hoping she would allow it.

Hokura gave him a pleading look. “Things have been better; Gavin and I spoke to Cyrus about it as well. Cassandra’s been enjoying her training. Her brother, on the other hand, might be taking his time on processing things.” She held out her hand. “Let’s go for a walk…come on, Dorian, get out of this lab for a little bit, please?”

He took her hand; he didn’t know why this gesture had become something of a natural routine lately. Maybe it was because she had felt her own guilt over what had happened. He didn’t want her feeling guilty about it. It hadn’t been her fault. He thought maybe it was to offer him some comfort, she had been more physically comforting with him since he had rescued her, and as much as it eased him, it also still stirred him.

She guided him from the room and down the hallway. “Where do you want to go?” she offered, gently wrapping her arms around his, leaning against him.

He watched as prying eyes stared at them. As always, the compound buzzed with what had happened. He felt as if everyone wanted to catch a glimpse of his bionic part as he kept his hand tucked in his lab coat pocket and at the peacekeeper who was the governor's wife and yet was always so dotingly by his side. “Let’s go someplace quiet. I don’t want to be around anyone else right now.” It was true. He only wanted to be around her; if he had to immerse himself in being near anyone, it needed to be her.

Hokura nodded and led them to the rooftop where they sat and simply watched the city in silence, she leaned her head against his shoulder, and he wrapped his right arm around her.

After a few minutes of silence, he finally spoke up. “How has your husband been faring? He’s not still blaming himself, is he?”

She smiled slightly, not moving, still resting against him. “He’s been doting, to the point I’m almost wondering if he thinks something is wrong with me.”

“Is there something wrong with you?”

Her smile faded. “What about you? You haven’t been the same since…”

“I’m not the same.” His answer was curt.

She shifted herself from his shoulder. He regretted the words, thinking she was going to be upset with him and turn away from him. Instead, she turned and leaned in, facing him. “Maybe I blame myself for what happened to you. If I had listened to you and stayed away from Tobias, this would have never happened.” She touched his other shoulder where his metal arm had been attached. “I owe you my life and Cassandra’s life. You sacrificed so much for the both of us…”

“You know I would do it all over again.” Dorian sighed.

She moved her hand from his shoulder and placed it on his chest. “I’ll never be able to apologize enough or make up for what happened, Dorian, but you are the same person. I know you are. I feel it in my heart.” She gently kissed his cheek.

Every emotion filled him, the pain, the grief, the loss, the sacrifice, the heat, the lust he had for her. Everything he had been feeling for months, and since being back, these simple gestures were driving him as much as his need for replicating a new arm for himself. “Hokura,” he sighed, closing his eyes. “Please, just let me hold you.”

She had been agreeable as she leaned her body into him, and he had wrapped his arms around her, wishing so deeply that he could feel the full extent of her body as he automatically used his left hand to stroke her arm. If only he could feel her tender flesh, the warmth that was radiating from her skin on his fingertips. Damn the irony that she allowed him to hold her, and he couldn’t feel all of her. He glanced down at her. Her eyes had been staring off into the distance. They seemed almost heavy and lost. “Are you alright?” His voice was a husky whisper.

“I just feel at peace and safe right now. This feels really nice.”

“You’ll always be safe at my side Hokura. I would do anything to protect you. You know that.” His voice lulled over her gently.

Her eyes closed as a small smile appeared and then faded. He would allow her to rest for a bit. If she could find enough comfort in his arms to finally sleep without nightmares, he would give her that gift and continue to hold her. Besides, now he could drift off to his more private thoughts all while having her all to himself. He would delve into the amazing soul that she was and how much he loved her; even if he couldn’t physically cross that line, he could dream.

Dorian hadn’t noticed, but he had found peace in the gesture of her being against him, of her soft breathing, which had lulled him as well as his own eyelids started to feel heavy. All these emotions were exhausting him, the hours in the labs, dealing with failure, the heartbreak, and now what he was still feeling towards her. He had fallen asleep as he shifted and wrapped his arms around her holding her tight. He didn’t know if she had stirred as he did so, but if she did, she had allowed his closeness. He thought about the night they had spent together in the wastelands with her sleeping against his bare chest and the peace that it had brought him. The memories flooded him as they played in his dreams.