Tonight

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Tonight - book excerpt

I'm Not Myself Tonight

I got drunk again tonight

and you know I don't drink

thinking about you, and the bad times

together don't we make an art out of war?

and the way your tongue had

of finding that spot

no one else can do it like you

I downed four rum-n-cokes in an hour's time

fucking myself furiously against the pain

like you used to

smoking half a pack of Marlboro lights

and I haven't smoked in years

as I watched some stupid old movie

with Ingrid Bergman in tears

I wish I could cry like that

without smudging my face

I keep thinking I should stop thinking

your face, your hands…your tongue

but we both know you're a part of me

my callous heart turns away from you

like some orgasmic nightmare

I should forget you

stop touching myself

and this bottle of Bacardi Gold taunting me

dare me to walk away

to succumb to your scandal, your seduction

forgive me if I do

I'm not myself tonight

2 am

I worried that I wasn't good enough

that my mistakes

were the cause

of your failure

I knew that I was crazy

a little girl lost

inside the raving lunacy

of adolescence

I thought I could

fix it all

by fixing myself

quieting the voices

that called me

out to dance on the lawn

at 2 am

I only discovered

that I wasn't broken

just mislead

and the truth is

I like dancing

on cold grass

to the music of the stars 

Talk Dirty to Me

I promised myself wine and roses tonight

but gave in to Bacardi instead

not that I'm drunk

feeling more like Stallone

than Gere

I'm not picky

I just know what I want

frustration penetrates my desire

just like you do me

have you ever wanted

to crawl out of your skin

let me borrow yours

I want to crawl inside you

and bask naked in the sun

hot, like your breath

on my navel

dance for me

stripping thoughts

and masks

you know I melt

when you talk dirty to me

all the unnecessary bullshit

like so much

dirty laundry

moving fluidly

primordially

is this what gods feel

when they touch?

Evening Star

shine upon me, evening star

awaken within me

that which I've lost, sacrificed

in the name of purity

on the cold marble

altars of man

remember me

daughter of your daughter

forgotten in this modern wasteland

of sexual suppression, unnatural order

my loins grow weak, wet

as the fire kindles, slowly,

Astarte, Goddess, Warrior

Lover of sensuality

sexuality

free me of their guilt

slide open my legs to know

passion's kiss, pleasure's sweet caress

guide this body toward ecstasy

given to bring love and lust

together in one moment

of climactic thunder

exploding into the night sky

where you shine

your light, calling me

to shed the chains of my

sexual slavery

falling away

I waited for you in the dark tonight

my cheeks stained with memory

the taste of bile sharp in a mouth lined with lies

bitter and shrill

the bite of emptiness

hollow echoes haunting

hallways littered with nothing

brittle air

hot and thin and already breaking open

kissing lips laced with dust

falling away

from

you

Sibyl of Cumae

eternity wrested from the gods

in a promise never kept

would it have been so bad

to have a god as your lover?

bought with seduction

sweetly plied

though your heart was never in it

oracle of Apollo's light

whispering hidden truths

in disfigured phrases

even then you knew the truth, didn't you?

wasting into the Womb of Life

selling wisdom

to kings

you were a goddess even then you know

in enigmatic pages

scribbled delusions

of inspirational madness

or did you just make it seem that way?

foretelling distant moments

and dreams to come

on leaves that the wind carried away

I'll bet you planned it that way…

watching from the darkness of your cave

while eternity conspired

against you

what was it that made you change your mind?

withering the frailty

of your human body,

your mortal soul

did you cry out for mercy

in those moments you were sane?

until even you,

once proud enough

to claim Apollo as your lover

though you never did…I can't imagine why

would beg any who could hear you

can the children in Naples still hear your voice?

for the release

of death

Book Details

AUTHOR NAME: Natalie J. Case

BOOK TITLE: Tonight

GENRE: Nonfiction

SUBGENRE: Poetry

PAGE COUNT: 99

IN THE BLOG: New Poetry Books