A New Time

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A New Time - book excerpt

From where I stood, ye could not see from where I escaped, Dornoch. The beautiful hillside and slopes masked the evil that lay beyond them. All I have left of my mother now lay painted in the sky. Orange, red, wi’ black smoke risin’, splittin’ the heavens before me and leavin’ a pain of guilt so deeply buried within me, I dinna think I’ll ever be the same.

Her face played in my mind. The strained look, wi’ eyes empty, distant. Her hair that once glistened dark ebony, now dull and disheveled. To look at her, one would think she be mad in the head. She dinna know me. Dinna recognized me, just another person in her mind. Da’s death ended her livin’.

“She didna know me, Bram! How could she not remember her own daughter?”

Bram, being a crow, but in human form now, didna say a word. Couldn’t, he just looked as sad as I felt and shook his head.

“I couldna take her wi’ me. She wouldna listen… didna even look at me when I told her we had to escape. She kept on touchin’ the walls in the tollbooth as if seein’ pictures or something.” Wet lines marked my face. “Was I bad leavin’ her? Should I have stayed and died too?”

Bram just sat there, sad and all.

“Damn, I wish ye could talk! Tell me that what I did was right. That I had no other choice. Why are ye even here wi’ me? What good is ye now? Yer supposed to help me remember? But ye didna! My mother is now dead. Burnt to a crisp, like logs in a hearth. Black, brittle, and… ash.”

In an instant, Bram flew to the nearest treetops and sat there, lookin’ down at me. He had changed form right before my eyes. Gone was the handsome highlander, wi’ his black, shoulder-length hair and full Scottish garment.

“I’m sorry, Bram, I shouldna have blamed ye. Tis not yer fault. It’s all mine. Please come back down and sit wi’ me. It was a comfort.”

He flew back down and perched himself on a rock that was next to me.

“No, not as a bird, but as a human.”

Chapter 1

Gone are the autumn colors that painted the sky now. The only remembrance of my mother. What is left is darkness and the tinge of burnt wood. Bram and I sat in silence. My cheeks felt tight from tears that have dried, a reminder of a heart broken and whose finality will never heal.

I felt sickened. Not only because of what I had lost but bodily as well. Food didna appeal to me, but it should, for I havena eaten in two days. All I wanted to do was sit and think. Think of my parents and the good times we had. Those memories I feared would be forgotten, and that scared me. It’s all I have left of them. I had to remember. I didna want to forget. Would I forget their voices also? This is too hard to bear.

I hadna thought of what I should do or where I should go after I escaped. I just knew I had to ─ did I though? Did I do the right thing? Leavin’ Mother? I thought to myself.

Aye, ye did. Dinna worry yerself so.

Frozen in thought, I looked over at Bram.

“How did ye hear me?”

I can hear yer thoughts.

“I’m overwrought. That’s it. I’m not well. I’m hearin’ things I shouldna be hearin’.”

Elspeth, yer fine.

I started to panic.

Calm down! Yer fine.

I took in a deep breath and exhaled. “But why? What happened?”

I’ll tell ye later.

“But…”

Later, I promise.

I made a vow that no matter what, I wouldna forgive myself ─ ever.

Elspeth, dinna be so hard on yerself.

“I dinna think I’m goin’ to like ye bein’ able to hear my thoughts.” He just laughed.

We hadna moved from our spot. I couldna. Not yet. This was still my homeland and to leave it behind just didna feel right. Where was I to go from here? Where?

Elspeth?

I didna like hearin’ his voice in my head. It bothered me. On top of all that has happened, I have to deal wi’ this.

No. I thought to myself.

Elspeth are ye alright?

“No, I’m not alright!”

Next thing I knew I grabbed him by the chest and shook him. Shook him hard. I must have looked possessed. I felt possessed. My mind wild wi’ fear. I wasna ready to be on my own. Mother hadna taught me everythin’. Through tears, I screamed at him.

“I canna do this! Do ye hear? I canna. I-I’m not ready. I dinna know what I should be doin’ or where I should go!” I inhaled deeply and wi’ the realization, I exhaled. “Oh, Bram… I have no place to go. My home. I canna go… back… there.” My eyes searched for where home would be, but I couldna see it. It too, like everythin’ else… gone. “Oh, Goddess help me!” And sunk into his arms. A broken soul.

Ye will be wi’ me. I am yer home.

His words, though few, were a comfort. He spoke truth. I did have him. As for home, well, I’m not sure what he meant by that, but I didna care. I had him and that’s all that mattered.

After a good cry, I gathered my wits and asked, “Bram, where do we go from here?”

For a while, Bram stared out at the landscape before us. Deep in thought or so it would seem. His eyes turned to mine. Those emerald eyes, like jewels, wi’ bits of gold in them. It was hard to look away.

“What? Canna ye tell me?”

He took my hand in his. For a bird, he had such warm hands. Solid. Comfortin’.

I became drawn to him like none other.

“Bram…”

I leaned in. Closer. He didna move.

“Bram…”

Closer.

I dinna know what ye plan on doing to me, but I feel uncomfortable.

The shock made me back off. He spoke a sentence of fourteen words.

“I-I asked ye a question and I thought yer was goin’ to say somethin’.”

I’m not good at conversation.

“Ok, SO…WHERE…DO…WE…GO…FROM…HERE?” I spoke in louder tones.

I’m not deaf. I can hear.

“Bram, just tell me.”

I’m takin’ ye back to Arabel’s.

The thought of goin’ back there did not make me happy. I’m sure he had his reasons, but I had just come from there not too long ago and it was hard enough when my mother was wi’ me, it's goin’ to be even harder now.

“Why? I dinna think I can do this? Not yet. It’s too soon. Bram, I just came from there. It’s goin’ to stir memories that—”

It’s safe… for now. Trust me. Aye?

“I suppose, but still…” The thought of it made my stomach ache more. Strain from what I just endured and must continue ─ I felt anxious. Fear made me want to stay put. Too much change. My mind swirled wi’ possibilities of sorts. Scary possibilities of life alone. Not havin’ my possessions about me. Gone. Like everythin’ else.

“Bram, I canna do this. Please dinna, make me.” I shook from head to toe. It proved to be too much for me.

He took me in his arms once more and rocked me like a wee bairn. Bein’ in his arms, close, I felt safe. Protected. His arms were strong. He held me so tight. In my head, I heard him hummin’ a song. I didna know it, but it soothed my soul. I felt its calmin’ effects. We sat like that for the longest time.

We should go.