Gods & Monsters

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Gods & Monsters - book excerpt

Prologue

January 18th

I am set to be released tomorrow. Thank all the gods that I am able to walk out of this horrible jail in less than twenty-four hours, though I know the screams of my counterparts will haunt me for years to come.

Yes, screams. My cellmate, Ellie, calls them the screams of the damned. I suppose that's what we all are. Damned. Damned by the Curaie. Damned by the Networkers and the guards who hold us here.

I'm not supposed to be writing. I stole a pencil from the woman who searched me after dinner. She won't miss it. Not like she missed the napkins I had stolen to get my thoughts on paper.

I am going to be free. The thought alone is enough to make me burst into tears. I haven't had contact with anyone from outside these walls in six months. I've barely had contact with anyone inside of these walls. I step in often and am thrown in a tiny hole called Solitary. It's meant to deter me from interfering, but how can someone stand by and watch as people are being abused? Sexually assaulted?

I couldn't live with myself if I did that. I'd never know another moment of peace. So I step in. I learned pretty quick that the guards had been told not to lash out against me. I knew it was because of my Olympian connections. I used that to my advantage, though it didn't stop them from throwing me into the one place no one here wanted to go. The one place where they forgot about you until they needed the space for someone else.

I relished in the silence Solitary provided. I used that time to talk out loud to Jonah instead of whispering my words as I had to do when others were around. I know he can't hear me. I know, too, that he may have moved on with his life. He'd never leave the estate, but six months is a long time. Perhaps, he still has his arrangements. Perhaps, he has found someone else.

No, I don't believe that. Jonah and I were too close. We are too close. I don't know how I am going to see him again. Once I am released tomorrow, I will have to leave the United States. Hera isn't strong enough to follow outside the country. I am still deciding whether or not I should go to France or Australia. My heart is leaning towards France.

I am still beholden to Hera, and I know she will come to me. I should have taken her poison the night Jonah came into my room. I couldn't do it. Not after I saw the sadness in his eyes and heard the sorrow in his words. So, I tossed the wine away.

I won't have the luxury to do that again. I promised my life to Hera in exchange for Jonah's freedom. She will give me a few days before she sends someone after me. The only reason I haven't been killed yet is because not even she could get past the barriers that held me here.

Tomorrow. I will think about it tomorrow, when I am no longer held in these horrid walls. Tomorrow, I can go anywhere in the world. Anywhere but home. … Anywhere but where she could find me.

Chapter 1

EVA MCRAYNE

Marseillewas perfect. The little town nestled on the Mediterranean coast was exactly what I had been looking for. The centuries-old house I had bought three weeks ago was exactly what I needed. Two bedrooms, one bath. It was small, but cozy. I never wanted to leave it.I breathed in the salt air as I watched the ocean smooth out against the sands beneath my balcony. The past three mornings, I'd taken my coffee out here. This morning, though, my routine had changed. I was going to meet Jonah at a cafe in town. It was within walking distance from the house, so I needed to head out a little early.

I smoothed out the skirt I was wearing before I grabbed my keys. I had twenty minutes. Plenty of time.

As I walked, I considered how much had changed in the month since I had been released from the ethereal prison I'd been thrown in. I'd gone into hiding, though I knew it wouldn't last forever. I'd squared things away at work so that I could be away for two years when I had been sentenced. Researching locations had been the cover used in the press release.

Granted, I hadn't expected to live long enough to go to jail, much less have time to enjoy what was left of my life after I was released.

I knew meeting with Jonah was a risk. If Hera were smart, she'd have people tailing him. So, when I finally broke down and called him, I had given him the address to the local cafe. I didn't want her henchmen to find out where my house was.

I waved to the florist who was opening her shop when I crossed the cobblestone streets. The old woman beamed at me, but I barely saw her. I wondered how Jonah would be when I saw him again. Would he still be with Lola? Had he moved onto someone else? Someone more serious?

I should have called him the second Ulysses dropped me off at the Parisian airport, but I couldn't bring myself to pull him into my mess. As much as I had missed him, I knew that I was doing the right thing by distancing myself from my life. I was protecting him. Protecting myself from having to say goodbye when the time came.

So, I traveled the country that had romanced me after my first trip to its shores. I spent my days talking to people throughout the small towns I had traveled to by train from Paris. Learning their stories, their histories, their ghosts. I began to construct the confidence that Eva the character was known for, but Eva the woman never really had.

I spotted Jonah sitting at a bistro table in front of the cafe and my heart flipped. He looked good. His shoulders seemed larger. His face was even more angular than before. What had he been doing the past seven months? I shook my head to chase that flutter away. Jonah had always had that effect on me. I supposed he always would, no matter how long we were separated.

"Don't you look like a sight for sore eyes?" I teased as I approached him. "Welcome to Marseille, Blueberry."

Jonah glanced up from his phone and he took a moment to look me over. Maybe it was because I'd changed my appearance, thanks to a spell Ulysses had taught me in Paris. The golden hair had been shifted to a dark auburn. The golden eyes I was famous for had been transformed to blue.

"Eva?" Jonah grinned so big, I was afraid he was going to hurt himself as he stood to pull me into his embrace. "What have you done to yourself, Superstar?"

"I'm not Eva here," I whispered in his ear. "Please, don't call me that outside."

Jonah pulled back and I could see the questions swirling in his mind, but he didn't ask them. Instead, he pulled out my chair and I thanked him for the gesture.

"I'm loving the red hair," he began as he sat back down. "It suits you."

"It's alright." I gestured to the waiter standing by the door. "It's necessary right now."

"You have me at a loss here, Superstar." He sat back as the waiter approached. Once our orders had been taken, Jonah continued. "I was wondering how you disappeared without the paparazzi all over you. The new persona must be how you did it. How's your life these days?"

"Wonderful." I leaned forward on the table. It was true. The peace and quiet I had gotten on this trip would last a lifetime. I was sure of it. "I took the train from Paris to the coast. Stayed in the smallest villages along the way. I got to Marseille three weeks ago."

"And you stayed?"

"I'm thinking about making it my permanent residence," I admitted with caution. Jonah didn't know that I wasn't sure how long “permanent” was going to be for me. "I bought a house on the beach. It's tiny, but perfect. When I'm not on the road, I can stay here."

Jonah reached across the table and linked our fingers together. He studied them before he spoke again.

"I missed you, Superstar."

"I missed you, too." I swallowed the emotion those words brought out of me. "So much."

"What should I call you now?" A small smile played at his lips. "Since you're changing everything about yourself."

"Lea Renaud," I answered automatically. I was proud of myself. I didn't grimace. I wasn't a fan of the name. Or the hair. But it was necessary. "It's...temporary."

"Lea? I like it. Should I start calling you that all the time?"

"No. Eva in private. Lea is the name I use to hide in public." I made a face. "It's awful, but I had to do it. Otherwise, the press would catch onto me through the real estate records."

"Lea's not that bad."

"Yeah, but it's not me. It feels strange not to see myself in the mirror, you know?" I sat back as the waiter returned with our coffee. When he left, I continued. "Although, all this hiding has given me a peace I never expected to find."

"What do you mean?"

I twirled a strand of red hair around my finger and considered my response. I didn't want to bring up my time in jail. I didn't want Jonah to know I was on the run. When I had the correct phrasing, I responded."I've come to peace with being alone. With solitude. With not having anyone around me because there's no one to please other than myself. Helps me find out who I really am. Does that make sense?"

"Makes perfect sense," Jonah said. "Back to Lea, though. I imagine playing a character when you're trying to find yourself is a little counterproductive. Did it piss you off having to wear another mask?"

"No." I stirred sugar into my coffee and Jonah smiled. "What?"

"Some things never change."

I stuck out my tongue at him. "At any rate, no, the mask didn't piss me off. It made me realize some things. Who knows? Maybe I'll keep it."

"Why?"

"Because Eva is hunted. Hated by those close to her. Heartbroken time and time again. She's the one with the history of betrayal and abuse, after all. Maybe as Lea, I can at last find people who actually want to be around me." I gave him a small smile. "Maybe this change is the death of Eva outside of Grave Messages."

"Don’t say that." Jonah took my hand again. I wondered why. "I understand why you feel that way, but that's not right. Sure, there are those who hate you, but that is more of a reflection of them than you. They resent the fact that they can't ride your glory. Whatever. And fuck Lawson for what he did. You are the beautiful one. You are the golden one. You've saved people who don't even know you have. Just be yourself.You've got more character in your index finger than they have in their entire bodies."

I didn't know what to say to that. I didn't have the heart to tell him that Eva was as good as dead if I slipped up. Instead, I pulled my hand free and took another sip of coffee."Right now, I don't know what's going to happen in the future. I have another year and change before I have to go back. Plenty of time to figure it out."

Jonah started to say my name, but I cut him off before he could.

"Enough about me. Tell me what you've been doing the past seven months."

"Training," Jonah gave a slim smile. "Hermes hooked me up … Thor - the god? He runs a survivalist course in Siberia. I spent six months there."

"That explains why you look like you're about to pop the seams of that shirt."

Jonah chuckled and I could have sworn he blushed. "Anyway, it was good for me. Let me work out a lot of anger and resentment. Reena is there now. She joined up about two months after I did.”

"Yeah? I can see you doing that. I bet you were having the time of your life, living in the woods."

"I don't know about the time of my life, but it was fun."

"Well, as for Reena, she's going to come back even more badass than ever."

"You'll see her next time you come to the estate." Jonah watched the pedestrians who walked the sidewalks beside us. "You going to come home soon?"

I'll probably never get to come home again.

I didn't say that out loud. Jonah was already suspicious. He was right to be. So I played the one card I knew he couldn't resist."I don't think so. I am working on my own mental health, Blueberry. If I go home, I'm afraid all the bad memories will come back and disrupt my progress. But tell everyone that I miss them."

"Maybe they can come here?"

"No. No offense to anyone, but I want to keep this place to myself. It's too precious to share."

Jonah raised his eyebrows at that as I continued.

"I can't wait to hear the stories though. I'm sure Re put every man there to shame."

"She did," Jonah laughed. "She came back with me and bragged about it with no shame."

I laughed, too. It felt so strange to do such a simple action.

"Had any dates now that you're free?"

I nearly choked on my coffee at Jonah's question. It had taken me completely by surprise."Um." I began to play with a napkin on the table. I threw my hair over my shoulder, then nodded. "I've been on a few dates with a man I met on the train to Marseille."

"Really?" Jonah's eyebrows shot up. "Is it serious?"

"I haven't slept with him, if that's what you mean." I studied the corner of the napkin I was picking at with my nails. "But it's nice to be romanced, you know? Not be a footnote in someone else's life."

"Did you go as Eva? Or Lea?"

"Lea. I always go as Lea now." I cleared my throat. "How's Lola these days?"

"Don't know."

"What?"

"I don't know." Jonah went back to focusing on his coffee. "I haven't talked to her since she moved to London."

Oh. I was about to say I was sorry, but never got the chance.

"Lea?"

We both looked up and I smiled out of habit. Pierre Bernard was absolutely dashing. Tall, thick blonde hair, perfect aristocratic face. His family was descended from the court of Louis IV, so he had money to burn. He would have been a perfect match for me except … I didn't feel anything for him.

"Pierre, what a lovely surprise!" I gave him a kiss on each cheek in greeting. "Please, meet a dear friend of mine from the States. Jonah, Pierre."

"The pleasure is all mine." Pierre kept his arm around my waist as he shook Jonah's hand. "Are you familiar with France?"

"Not as much as I'd like to be." Jonah's smile was tight when he returned the man's handshake. "Tell me, how do you know...Lea?"

"We met on the train into town." Pierre gave me another dazzling smile before he turned back to Jonah. "She was most curious about the area."

"I'll bet."

"Shall I call you later? We have much to discuss about the gala next week."

"Sure." I smiled again when Pierre kissed the back of my hand. "Sounds like fun."

Pierre bowed, then waved goodbye to Jonah before he disappeared into the crowd. Jonah watched Pierre leave with a dark look until I playfully slapped his hand.

"Stop it. He's nice."

"Uh-huh. I find it funny that he just happened to be passing by this cafe at this particular moment."

"It's not uncommon," I explained. "Marseille is very small. You'll run into the same people over and over again."

"What's this gala?"

"It's for one of his wineries in Milan. Still have to find something to wear though."

"You should wear a gold dress," Jonah suggested and I looked up. Was he really giving me fashion advice for a date? "Goes well with the auburn hair. Or something black."

"Black? It's formal, but not a funeral."

"May as well be. You're going to be bored out of your mind."

"I'll have you know that I considered the gold dress I wore to the Emmys the other year," I admitted. "But it would be too recognizable. I think I'll find something similar to that style though. Maybe Apollo can send me one in green."

"Green?"

"Yeah. Something to go with this awful hair color."

"So, is he ethereal, immortal, or tenth?"

"Tenth." I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear as I tried to figure out how to change the subject. "He's nice. Good company."

"Hmm." Jonah beckoned to the waiter for a refill. "How long before you tell him the truth?"

"What truth?"

"About who you really are." Jonah studied me with a veiled expression. I hated it when he did that. "You can't keep the facade up forever."

"I haven't decided yet. Maybe I'll never tell him. Maybe he'll just wine me, dine me, screw me, and never be the wiser."

"Screw you, huh?" Jonah snorted. "Sounds like a plan, Superstar. You've been on the internet getting tips or something?"

"Nope. No need."

"What does that mean?"

"I've fooled around." I shrugged. "Nothing farther than third base, but I'm trying to learn."

"Third?"

"Yeah."

"Withhim?" Jonah stared at me in shock. "Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously.It wasn't anything more than...than third."

"You said you didn't sleep with him."

"I didn't. We had our date, went back to his place, fooled around, and I left." I frowned a little. "I was expecting more fireworks, but I guess I have to work up to that."

CHAPTER 2

JONAH ROWE

Jonah couldn't comprehend what he was hearing. Eva was actually dating another man? No, that couldn't be right. She needed him, not some damn stranger. The image of Eva being with someone else just seemed wrong. He wiped his mouth with a napkin as he tried to wrap his mind around what she was saying.

"What?" She raised an eyebrow at him. "What's wrong with Pierre?"

He's not me.

Jonah didn't know if he wanted to hear anymore, but he had to ask his next question."Are you going to see him again?"

"I plan on it." She mused aloud. "He's a bit of a charmer. He's trying to sweep me off my feet."

I bet he fucking isJonah thought to himself.

Eva continued."But for me? It was just bleh.There weren't any sparks, you know? Nothing like..."

She stopped and Jonah knew exactly what she was about to say. She was thinking about that night in the garage. Good. Eva cleared her throat.

"Anyway, we'll see what happens after the gala. Maybe he'll be successful."

Jonah didn't want there to be a next time for Pierre. He wondered briefly if anyone would actually miss the Frenchman if he ended up in the ocean before that happened.

"Want to go see the house?"

"What?" Jonah blinked back the thoughts of drowning the asshole. "Sorry. Thinking."

"Um, I asked if you wanted to see the house." Eva gave him a quizzical look. "You can't tell anyone where it is though. I want to keep it completely private."

"Sure."

Eva threw down some money on the table before they started walking through the streets. She began to tell him about the routes she took when she ran in the mornings, then showed him the path that led down to the beach. That was good. Got his mind off other things.

Eva stopped in front of a slender stone house that butted up against the sands. She pulled out a keyring and Jonah swore he saw her use a skeleton key on the lock.

"This is it." She opened the door and stepped aside so that he could enter. "This is home."

Jonah had been expecting a mansion, not the tiny house that extended up towards the sky. But the decor was bright. The walls were painted a soft gray that made it seem bigger than it was.

"It was built around 1793," Eva explained while she slipped off her jacket to hang it up by the door. "People were smaller back then, but I absolutely adore it."

Jonah turned to see that the shirt she had been wearing was backless. The collar and a thin ribbon were the only thing keeping it closed. The sight of her skin made him realize something else.The Frenchman had seen her naked. He'd touched his Eva in ways that not even Jonah had done. His fists balled up before he realized it.

"The kitchen is in here." She beckoned him to follow her before she headed onto another room. "It's not good to drink the tap water, but I have bottled water and a bottle of merlot in the fridge. What would you like?"

"Um, just water, thanks," Jonah said, really needing to loosen his fists. Damn Frenchman. Getting perks he couldn't possibly know what to do with. Lucky bastard. "What about this house called to you?"

"The view upstairs." She passed him a water and took one for herself. "Come on and I'll show you."

Eva went up the winding staircase and Jonah followed. He took the time to admire her tight little skirt as they ascended.

"How many bedrooms are here, Superstar?" he asked once they reached the top. He had to focus on the house. Not the woman who owned it.

"Two bedrooms, one bath." Eva opened the door right next to the stairwell. "This one is mine."

Jonah stepped into the space decorated in blues and greens. The bed wasn't huge. A queen at best. But just like every one of Eva's houses, it was kept in meticulous order.

"This is what drew me to the house." She opened a door and Jonah whistled as he followed her outto the balcony.

As far as he could see, the Mediterranean and all its glory spread out before him. Boats dotted the horizon, white against blue."Eva, this is magnificent!"

"I know. This is where I spend most of my time nowadays." She stood next to him and stared outward. "I haven't shared this with anyone else … I won't share this with anyone else. Just you, Jonah."

"Why me?"

"Because you're as sacred to me as this space." She glanced up at him. "It only seems right that you're here."

That touched Jonah's heart. It almost made him forget the French guy. Almost. "I see what you mean. Life makes the most sense when I'm around you."

"It makes the most sense around you, too." Eva pulled out a chair. "Sit down. Stay awhile. I'll go grab an ashtray."