Useless Knowledge?

Useless Knowledge? A Collection of Unexpected Lessons

Not all life lessons come from school. Sometimes they come from misheard lyrics, half-remembered movies, or video games played with friends long ago. Useless Knowledge? is a collection of personal essays by Andrew Davie that uncovers the quiet significance in seemingly trivial experiences.

Through reflections that are humorous, nostalgic, and surprisingly insightful, Davie explores how pop culture moments—like setting roommate rules based on The Postman or finding identity in the Nintendo 64 era—can shape how we understand ourselves and others. Whether sparring in a boxing gym with a teenager twice his size or breaking up a fight involving a cult film star, the stories find meaning in the unexpected.

A thoughtful, playful read that asks: can any knowledge really be useless?

Get your copy of Useless Knowledge? and discover the value in what we often overlook.

Excerpt from the book

One of the first movies I remember watching repeatedly was Jaws 3. I had taped it off HBO sometime around 1984. I was either five or six years old. As a result, Jaws 3 had a profound impact on me. Before you criticize my parents for allowing their child to watch this movie, just remember this was the ‘80s. At the time, I remember quoting lines from the film, and to this day I can still recite most of the dialogue. I probably need the film to play along like a backing track, but I can certainly do Bess Armstrong’s monologue to Louis Gossett Jr.: “Olbermann was killed inside the park. The baby was caught inside the park…its mother is inside the park.” Of course, back then, I frequently didn’t understand the subtext of the scenes I was emulating, and I often misheard what characters had said. This is known as a mondegreen. Apparently, it is de-rived from someone mishearing “Laid him on the green,” and thinking what had been said was “Lady Mondegreen.”

The following are examples of either mondegreens or not understanding the context of film quotations. In the film Explorers, a young Ethan Hawke gets into a fight with a bully and says, “Elephantiasis is when something gets ugly and bloated like your ass.” I thought he had said, “Shove elephant tights up your ass.” Thankfully, I hadn’t shared this with anyone. Explorers came out in 1985, so again I was probably six or seven.

I also remember watching the film The Last Starfighter, in which the lead character’s younger brother, Louis, is looking at Playboy magazine from among his stash. At one point, he says something like, “Rhonda, baby.” Back then, I thought he had said something like, “Garonda, baby,” which I thought might be some sort of cool phrase. Again, I’m thankful I didn’t share this with anyone. However, I do remember shopping with my mom—I think it was my mom—at the supermarket Sloan’s and seeing Playboy magazine at the checkout aisle. Again, this is most likely 1985, and I was still six or seven. I recall asking if she would buy me one and being disappointed when she said no. I don’t remember the tone of her response—if it was anger or exasperation. I just remember being upset I didn’t get one.

The final example happened after I had seen the film RoboCop in the theater. This would have been 1987, so I was around nine. There’s a scene in which two hoodlums attack a woman. One of them cuts off some of her hair with a knife, and the other one suggests cutting her under her skirt.

“There’s more hair down there,” he says.

Later, I acted out the scene for some adults. I don’t remember how they reacted to my perfor-mance or whether I even recited the line correctly. I have a dim memory of saying, “Let’s get some real hair.”

However, I do remember I thought it was funny that RoboCop shot one of these perpetrators in the groin. You might have thought these misunderstandings stopped when I got older, but you would be wrong. One time, I did reveal my naivete.